Life before death or Death before life
In the recent past, I’ve encountered two deaths of my close ones in a short span of 15 days. One was my grandmother who was bedridden for the last seven years and the other was my first cousin who was just 19 and had an accident. One waiting to come and the other equally unexpected.
Both deaths are very different from each other. While for my grandmother, I felt the pain that I won’t be able to see her again, it was a relief too to finally see her free from all the pain and frustration and the depression that comes with paralysis. My grandmother was a very active lady and she was always seen either working or praying with a rosary in her hand. She loved going to temples and was helpful to everybody. One night, she fell and nobody knew about it until morning and the delay in the treatment led to partial paralysis on the left side of her body. The result, she was bedridden and couldn’t do basic routines like eating, sitting or anything on her own for time unknown. Since she didn’t have any fatal disease (just a little diabetes which was also nothing to worry due to her self-control in eating) and was as healthy as one can be at her age. In the early days, she used to cry a lot. One can only imagine how she felt. Not only her active life was gone, but she also couldn’t even do anything on her own. Gradually, the crying stopped and she accepted the situation. But it really hurt to see her lying there helpless and sad. She was bedridden for 7 long years and then one morning, she died peacefully, perhaps blessing her eldest son who made the whole journey a hell lot easier for her.
The care that my uncle took of my grandmother cannot be described in words. He took care of her just like a child. Even with a child, we get angry sometimes but that never happened with my uncle. He would patiently tend to my grandmother’s every little demand even in the middle of the night. She indeed was very lucky to have a son like him. I miss her because there are childhood memories that only grandparents can create for you but there was no point in crying after her. Wherever she is right now, she must be in a better condition than the life she was living. You will always live in my memory but I am happy that what you were suffering ended. I loved you and, will always remember you as a simple, hardworking, and loving woman who lived her life with dignity and was there, not just for her family but also for anyone in need.
It was just 15 days later that a call at 3 AM bore the news of my cousin’s death. He and a friend of his died on the spot in a road accident. Some road was under construction and there was a diversion but no sign. The speed of the bike, the lack of any sign of the diversion, or the reduced visibility due to it being night, whatever be the reason but the fact was that two 19-year-olds lost their lives. There was a huge pile of dirt and mud, which the bike hit. Due to the impact of the collision, both the boys were thrown in the air and hit the ground. The irony is that the entire area was covered with mud and dirt and there were just two stones in that vicinity. And each stone became responsible for the death of each boy. Their entire body was unharmed with one or two minor bruises but as a result of hitting their head on the stone, they died and that too, within minutes. Their friends who were following reached the accident spot and found both of them dead. I don’t know much about fate or destiny but some incidents force you to believe. Had they fallen just an inch or two apart from where they had, both of them might have been alive without any major injury. It was as if the stones were placed there to hit their head and take their lives away. I know it sounds fictional but as Mark Twain has famously said, “Life is stranger than Fiction.”
Again, there was no sadness on hearing the news. No tears came but I just felt numb for two days. I had to get out in the air to get away from the suffocation that engulfed me. I just mechanically went on with the day-to-day activities without feeling a thing or knowing what I was doing. It was a very different kind of numbness. With my grandmother, I felt kind of sad. But with my cousin, it was as if my brain just decided not to believe. When I woke up in the morning the next day, I wished like hell that this was just a dream and nothing happened. Even after knowing that it was not a dream, I just wanted to believe that everything’s fine and the shit didn’t happen.
It was only the next day when we went to my maasi’s(mother’s sister) house and saw her crying her heart out that all the expectations blew away. It was then that I felt the pain. A boy of nineteen with a good nature, a great friend, a little immature but good-hearted and kind just left a void and went. While we were to continue our lives normally within a few days, time just stood still for his parents and sisters. It was as if they were all trapped in a bubble of his memories and could never get away. Even after two months of his death today, nothing has changed in their lives. They are still as sad as ever. The lustre, the liveliness, the will to live has all gone and what’s left are the bodies somehow passing their days.
These deaths were so different and yet they deliver the same message. Death is the only certainty and we just go on living an uncertain life. When will it end, nobody knows. You may be waiting or expecting death but it doesn’t come and then Bam! it strikes like anything and you’re left stunned. It just proves life is too unexpected. There’s no time to worry about the future, hold grudges, or to do something that you don’t like. If you don’t do something now, chances are that you may not get a chance to do it at all. So, don’t let your dreams wait. Stand up now, start doing something, anything no matter how small, that will bring you closer to what you want to do with your life. Tell your loved ones how much they matter. Forget the past and don’t let old grudges from the past hold you back. Just live before death finally arrives. Do make sure that you don’t die before you actually start living.
